I was going to buy a soccer jersey at a Barcelona souvenir shop, asked the price then decided not to get it. The store employee then started yelling at me asking why are Americans so picky. It was very sudden and made me surprisingly angry to even attempt buying anything ever again.
It all began when a few brightly colored jerseys outside a little store suddenly caught my eye. I stepped in to take a look at the goods. After quickly realizing the prices were well over 45 Euros, I decided not to purchase anything. As I walked away the sales associate came towards me flagging the jersey in my face asking why I have to be so picky like all Americans. My heart was racing as the man was hackling me for about 20 seconds,
“You all just ask, ask, ask and then after no one buys anything,” the man announced. All I could do was apologize. In a nervous and anxious step I walked over to where my friends were browsing some souvenirs. As a proud and independent American I just patiently waited for my friends to finish shopping before walking out of the store. I was upset that the employee had such a strong negative opinion on Americans.
As a little girl I remember sitting on a huge leather loveseat at the Louis Vuitton store for hours waiting for my aunt to decide what she wanted to purchase; a bag, a scarf, some luggage. At times she walked away with nothing, other times with a lot. What if the Louis sales lady were to yell at my aunt, Wendy?
Back in Columbus, Ohio I serve and attend to other peoples needs for hours at a time. It isn’t something I enjoy doing at times but it is my job. I give guests sample after sample of beer and at times people end up not ordering any beer at all. I understand the frustration of putting in work and not receiving anything for your time and effort.
While in Europe I have always wanted to get the perfect jersey. As any other college student bordering the zero dollar amounts in their bank account, I had to shop around. Tourists walk into souvenir shops all day long and at times get pursued into buying items that may be more expensive than the exact same item a block over. Even though the situation doesn’t happen to many people, it happened to me. Walking away and not feeling guilty is the first step. These store employees can spot a tourist and in order to sell items they must be forceful and put in a lot of effort to make profit. People must realize that they might not be on vacation like many of us. It’s a situation where you must either be in to buy it or you should quickly browse and make up your mind.
In the end I bought a neon orange jersey that I had seen in other stores before. I ended up paying 30 Euros less than the other store that taught me a life long lesson.
Jenny,
ReplyDeleteYou packed a lot into this story!
And it was the perfect tale to tell as well - an eye opener for any reader.
What I particularly like is the way you included the memory of shopping with your aunt, and your own experience serving beer. Great comparisons, and the way you wove them into the tale was good organizationally.
Your actual writing has some awkward spots. Your opening paragraph is one of them, and - I think I urged you to do this before - but really try reading something aloud to see if it flows naturally, feels conversational.
Here's what you wrote in the opening:
I was going to buy a soccer jersey at a Barcelona souvenir shop, asked the price then decided not to get it. The store employee then started yelling at me asking why are Americans so picky. It was very sudden and made me surprisingly angry to even attempt buying anything ever again.
See if this sounds more natural:
I'd been shopping for a soccer jersey in Barcelona but was on a tight budget. The souvenir shop my friends and I entered had all kinds of jerseys. One caught my eye immediately, so I asked the shop clerk for the price.
"45 euro," he said.
Way over my budget. I turned to walk away, and that's when my worst travel moment to date happened.
(back to story)
Don't know if this helps, but I hope you continue working on your writing because you have such a good storytelling eye...